Advent Day Eleven: Wait, what?

There's a moment after you say, "Yes, Lord, let it be as you have promised," when doubt floods in.  Maybe this wasn't such a great idea.  Maybe this path that looked so blessed while Gabriel was hanging out looks dark and lonely now that the bright winged angel isn't nearby.  You are small.  You are young.  You are human.  You are alone.

Doubt, that slimy, second-guessing lizard, slithers up near your ear and hisses are you sure?  Are you sure that's what he said?  Are you sure this is what you should be doing?  Are you sure this is the most secure way?  Are you sure you are content?  Are you sure?  Are you sure?

Shake him off.  Remember what was promised to you.  If you are troubled, if you are doubting, if you are second-guessing this decision or this path or this career or this marriage or this relationship or this calling, pause.  Reflect.  What brought you to this moment?  What has changed that permitted this lizard on your shoulder?

When this happens to me (and it does, often), I have to ask myself a few questions:

• What is causing this uncertainty?
• Am I worried over what-if's? 
• Is there a present danger to my contentment?
• What are the temptations to change course, and what lies underneath those temptations?

And if I am still uncertain, if the road still looks rocky and dark and lonely, if there are now two or more ways I could go and I don't know whether to turn to the left or the right, then I run to a friend or mentor whose shoulder isn't occupied by the second-guessing lizard, who can remind me, through the fog of uncertainty, what has been promised, what is the way of truth, so that I can walk in it again.

I feel like that is what is happening in today's verses about Mary and Elizabeth.  Mary is a first-time mom, a virgin mother of the Son of the Most High.  Do you think she faced her changing body with peace and calm at every turn?  No!  Of course she's terrified!  Of course she needs encouragement!  In the days and weeks and months before I first felt that flicker of movement inside my womb, I worried daily I would miscarry, worried constantly something would happen.  I think Mary goes to her relative seeking comfort and encouragement from another woman who would understand, extend mercy and compassion, and embrace her - blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her.

"At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, where she entered Zechariah’s home and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed: 'Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!'" - Luke 1:39-45

Advent Activity: Buckeye Express Diner Night
Last year, we took the kids to this place and they loved it.  We haven't been back since, so I think they'll be pretty excited to go and dine again in the railroad car.

Advent Day Seven: Questioning Angels

"Zechariah asked the angel, 'How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.'

"The angel said to him, 'I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their appointed time.'

"Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and wondering why he stayed so long in the temple. When he came out, he could not speak to them. They realized he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak.

"When his time of service was completed, he returned home. After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. 'The Lord has done this for me,' she said. 'In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.'" - Luke 1:18-25

Here's an instance where I just don't understand what's happened.  Why is Zechariah's question a problem?  Why is it so offensive to the angel that he makes Zechariah mute until Elizabeth's baby is born?

As my husband said, if an angel appeared to me and told me something was going to happen, something miraculous, I'm pretty sure I'd take him seriously.  It is an angel, after all.  But characters in the Bible have been asking questions of God and his angels forever to the point of disputing the point (Moses) and outright disobedience (Jonah).

Maybe it isn't that Zechariah questioned the angel; maybe it is the nature of the question.  Zechariah asks, "How can I be sure of this" given the circumstances of my life? Another person will question the angel Gabriel in a few verses.  She will ask, "How will this be, since I am a virgin?"  Zechariah's question is one of certainty.  Mary's question is one of possibility.

An angel of the LORD appeared to Zechariah.  An ANGEL of the LORD appeared to Zechariah.  

"How can I be sure of this?"

It is a question of faith and the reliability of God when he makes promises.  Like it or not, faith is not a business of verifiable facts and tangible evidence.  God's business is mysterious, miraculous, strange, counter-intuitive, the unlikeliest of outcomes from which springs forth joy, love, peace, mercy, and redemption.  

Given the fact that Zechariah was a man and Elizabeth a woman and married, their background in Jewish history probably should have been a clue that God is capable of miraculously moving a woman's womb back to childbearing years - there's Abraham and Sarah, Jacob and Rachel (and Leah), Hannah, to name a few - women and men who begged God for children, couples who went barren for decades before new life blossomed inside.  Zechariah would have known these stories - he was a faithful and committed descendant of the priestly order (in today's terminology: he was a pastor's kid).  Despite what Zechariah knew about God's history of making the less likely to conceive give birth to nations, he still asks, "How can I be sure of this?" Don't give me hope.  I want certainty.

Given the choice between hope for things unseen and certainty, I think most of us would ask, "How can I be sure of this?" But every unknown I've ever stepped into with faith and hope has unfolded in beautiful and surprising ways.  I didn't know how it would work out.  I didn't even know if it would work out.  That's part of the adventure and the delight: stretching out a hand to reach for that which has promised to lead you through.

Advent Activity: Tuba Christmas

Today is Ashland's Tuba Christmas concert at noon. It should be an adventure in sitting still and listening. :)

Advent Day Five: But They Were Childless

"In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly. But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old. Once when Zechariah’s division was on duty and he was serving as priest before God, he was chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. And when the time for the burning of incense came, all the assembled worshipers were praying outside." - Luke 1:5-10

You might know what comes next, but it might not hurt to pause here and remember that Zechariah and Elizabeth didn't know what would come next.  

After our second miscarriage, I remember my disdain for God.  I burned with anger at him.  To hearken back to yesterday's post, I stomped my feet and yelled to my father in heaven, It's not fair!  Even while I threw myself into work and professed to be "okay," I found myself retreating inward, into the chasm of grief and doubt where I spent most of my thought life asking, Why? Why? Why? Who are you anyway?!

That seemed like a long season.  I didn't know whether we'd ever conceive and carry a child to term.  What I thought I knew to be true about God was shaken.  I don't think most of our family members and friends knew the burden I carried (well, that's probably not true: I'm not exactly a private person).  We don't all go around broadcasting our fears and our doubts, our inner struggles and wrestling with God.  But that doesn't mean the wrestling match isn't taking place.  

Underneath the exterior, underneath their obedience and their righteousness, Zechariah and Elizabeth struggled with infertility.  They passed their childbearing years childless.  Maybe it had been decades.  

Do you think Zechariah ever raised his fists to the heavens?  Do you think Elizabeth ever collapsed in a heap of shuddering flesh and bones on the floor of her home, grief a puddle of tears?  I bet they did.

Maybe Zechariah and Elizabeth had long since abandoned hope of ever conceiving.  Maybe the hurt of that burden had yet to wear off.  Maybe they had settled into their lives as husband and wife, joyfully serving, the pang of childlessness dull-- maybe so far muted they hardly noticed the absence anymore.  

How silent, how unresponsive did God seem during those years?

And yet, in the mercy of stillness, in the grace of silence, Zechariah entered the temple of the Lord.

Sometimes, all we can do is enter the temple of the Lord.  And be still.  And wait.  Wait for glory to fall.  Wait for the Light.  Wait for the peace that passes understanding.  

Advent Activity: Look through Family Photo Albums

This might be one of my favorite activities during the advent season.  Each year since we moved to Ashland, I've put together an annual family photo album using Shutterfly, so now we have something like six photo albums cataloging all that we've done together the last six years.  It is heartwarming to reminisce together with our children, especially as they recall memories they've made and invent memories they couldn't possibly have acquired on their own.  Flipping through these photo albums reminds us of our family's story.  They map out our family's adventures through all of the valleys and mountains to where we have arrived today.